Salem Holiday Festivus 5k

"Hey, you know you can just do stuff?  You don't need anyone's permission or anything. You can just come up with weird stuff you want to go do and you can just go do it." Comedian Rodney Norman

Salem people like cool stuff, and we proved it in a test-run last year. So let's make this another Salem tradition.

We are doing it. Again. Festivus. Get any Christmas/Santa/Festivus/Seinfeld/Ugly Sweater costume together, or just come as you are.  Spots are limited.

Show up late morning on Saturday December 23, 2022 at 10:30am at the Gerry Frank Rotary Pavilion near the bridge at Salem Riverfront Park. The Feats of Strength begin at 11:00am.

The Festivus activities, if you know anything about it, involves 4 things:

Feats of StrengthThe Airing of GrievancesThe FeastThe Festivus Pole

So, how do we approach this?

Feats of Strength: The timer starts at 11:00am. The first component is a wall sit for 45 seconds along the wall, or against the fence. After your 45 seconds, then you have to do 20 push ups. Take as long as you need. Once you finish, you can start the 5k run across the white bridge straight into Minto Park.  

We will have a stop watch, but no chip timing this year. The finishing order will be recorded only.  The run is about 3.1 miles.  You have to be able to finish the course in 45 minutes. That is a 14.5-minute pace. No walkers. No dogs. Dogs can't do push ups. You gotta finish.  Skipping might get you there in time for a Festivus miracle. Reach the finish line and turn in your bib tag.

The airing of grievances: You can write your grievances in advance on any paper, or on a card at the event. The best ones will be posted. Keep it short. This is not an intervention.

The Feast: Yes, it will be cold. Yes, there will be a cup of hot chocolate.  Feast is an overstatement...This part will expand in future events.  

The Festivus Pole: Yes, we have the official Festivus Pole. Will there be tinsel on the pole? NO. I find tinsel distracting. You can totally get your picture taken with the pole. Please don't dance on the pole, Mercedes. It's awesome, but it's not bolted down.

Then we will move to a local bar for a little post-race. Bring cash for anything you may want there. Location disclosed later.

A guy we will call "Mullet Santa" will give out prizes for the following:

Top 3 male/female finishers (No age group awards)

Best Santa/Christmas Costume Mens Division & Womens Division
Best Seinfeld Costume Mens Division & Womens Division
Best Ugly Sweater Mens Division & Womens Division

If you are a serious runner who wants a pretty t-shirt and a certified course, this is not the race for you. This is Festivus, the race for the rest of us! 

If you have never heard of Festivus, it was an anti-holiday popularized by a Seinfeld episode. You can view that clip here:

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=festivus+seinfeld+episode&view=detail&mid=25668A2CB76E51064C9B25668A2CB76E51064C9B&FORM=VIRE

There are a few Festivus races around the country, and now Salem has one.